You know you're getting too old when...

...I think I have a prostate problem.
How I long for the days of universal health care. Oh well, going every half hour isn't that bad, as long as I have interesting things to do in the bathroom, and that's the reason why I simply had to get subscriptions to like, 13 magazines. Plus I like to be knowledgeable about many stupid things across a whole slew of stupid topics. It makes people respect and fear me. Like I owned a Hummer SUV.