Hugga Mugga Hugga Mugga

When I was young McDonald's was this mystical fantasy land where I got food and toys at the same time. Ronald and his rogues gallary lived in a fairy land that seemed better than the one I did. And that Christmas commercial where he skated with the kid who was smaller than the rest...that defined a generation.

The magic is gone now. They're just another restaurant who's trying to be low fat and appeal to youth with rapping. *hangs head low* Times have changed, and the wind has blown by me...and that wind doesn't smell too good my friend. It's like a cheap air freshener with some name like 'snowy mountain flower breeze" that ends up smelling like nothing but bathroom.

*sighs* I still want a Big Mac now and then.

The point of this was to brag that I've lost almost 40 pounds. Or roughly about the size of that kid that Ronald McDonald helped skate around the pond. And I don't look like I've lost a pound. Now that's talent.

Deep Forest

I've decided that my new catchphrase is to green people with, "What's new in Kalamazoo?".
Any possible mispellings of "Kalamazoo" is due to me trying to trademark it and "give it my own flavour".
It's all part of my new campaign to make people like me for being extraverted and annoyingly in their face with my "flavour".
People respect someone who can't and won't shut up and has quirks.
Then I'll stab them in the back!

Which will only make me even more popular.

Which is a good goal!

Living Paperweights

I think coupons are life's biggest disappointment. Most of the time. But not always.

So maybe I'm wrong. But still, I'm disappointed when fast food restaurants put out coupons that only really have normal prices on them, or the prices of sales that are going on. You don't even need the paper. I want to feel special.

But I'm not special.

And my cellphone hasn't worked in months, yet I still pay for it. Lousy contract. I don't get more with T-Mobile. Not at all.

Oh well, there is one good thing, and that's the fact that I actually ummm...no wait, that's not it at all.

Okay, here's the thing:

Okay, I forget the thing.

Have A Nice Day Vol. 10

Yes, I do make my stupid titles by just looking at things around or on my computer desk. And yes, I was originally going to call this blog "The Adventures of Brian The Man". But Brian doesn't rhyme with "The Man". And it hurts me, inside, to know that.

Some dude at the pet store was all in my face, telling me how to feed my cats, and I was all, "back off man, I don't tell you how to feed the donkey you're obviously having sex with, you Mr. Ass in your Ass guy!".

But yeah, I actually just said, "that's an excellent plan, I was considering doing that myself." I hate when I have to agree with the expertise (That I was going to do anyway!) of some punk teenager whom I'm older than and thus obviously smarter than.

I went to college, damn it! I know all kinds of stuff! Sure it's not as strenuous as the training for Petsmart...and I mostly drew doodles of the current date on my notes and somehow backed my way into a Human Resources degree...but hey, if there's one thing I know, it's how to fall asleep in a library. And how to feed my cats. They're my cats. They talk to me. They say things like "meow", and "mew", and I know what they mean.

Do you know?

I considered, briefly, today that I would force my future child into learning some sport that would make him or her famous and more importantly, rich, so that I could become rich by getting handouts. Then I figured that I would probably have to wait, at the very least, 15 years after the birth of the child for that to happen. I'd be so OLD! I'm old enough now. I ain't got no patience for that. So I figured I'd just cross my fingers and hope my brother would somehow become famous soon. I'm told he's handsome, if not an aimless gatabout.

So Scott, get famous, get me money. I'm hungry for Applebees and I've got shit all in my wallet.