The Twenty Two

3 - The number of dead on the roadside intact deer I've seen in my life prior to driving through Wisconsin to Chicago.

22 - The number of dead roadside deer I saw on the way. That's not counting the ones I didn't notice. Plus, since it was a divided highway, there is no overlap.

ChicagoLand

So, I'm in Chicago for Memorial Day weekend. Besides trying to get to our hotel through a parade route, which is the worst thing you could do to a nervous tourist, things have been pretty good. I'll go into deeper detail in a later post, for those who give a shit.

But I should mention the convention that's going on at a nearby hotel. To quote an excited young man (who umm...likes men) who was walking away from the hotel talking on his cell when we walked by, "...in the hallways, they all nekid, ass out, dick out, all leather...I've lived in Chicago for a long time, why'd no one tell me about this!". That's right, hundreds of leather dudes, one hotel. We haven't walked by the front of the lobby (which is on the way to like, everything) without seeing ass hangout of out chaps yet. I hope the taxi drivers have lysol for their backseats.

Oh, and GJ, I think I finally don't have overtime or illness this upcoming week (cross fingers), so I'll give you a ring, and we can talk Grand Prix, and other glorious things. I think we neeed a promotion where everyone is either a foreigner, or has the nickname "Killer" before their name.

Good news for the Good Gentleman

"Emile Dupre is bringing back Atlantic Grand Prix Wrestling with its 50th tour, headlined by son Jeff (Rene's older brother). Atlantic Grand Prix, in coming back, would be probably the last of the existing promotions, still with its same owner, from the territorial era of pro wrestling. Old-time mini star Frenchy Lamont will be among those on the tour, along with former WWE wrestler Chad Wicks and El Hijo de Cuban Assassin. It starts on Friday night in Souris, Prince Edwards Island, and runs shows over the next few weeks in New Brunswick, Nova Scotia and even Eastern Quebec."


The motherfucking Cuban Assassin's son. Damn right.

Busy days at the seaside

...and my shanty town is looking shantier than ever.

I'm not sure if even that Lionel Richie shirt could make the upcoming week any easier to deal with.

Well, maybe it would.

I always take "There's something different about you...I can't put my finger on it" quasi-compliments from other people as meaning, "I was just looking at you, and thinking about how bad you usually look to me, and how you look slightly less awful at the moment". And I'm pretty sure I'm right.

I was so funny at work today....

...and then I said, "what brand?", and everyone just hooted with laughter for the next five minutes.

I guess you had to be there. But it's not my fault you can't be where the Brian-Funny is at all time.

Lionel Richie t-shirt

Lionel Richie t-shirt

Jeff, do you want this shirt as a gift for your next Beaster birthday?

I hope This Link works, because, well, it's my web account, and it should do as I tell it.

Short, light, and clammy

I'm now into my third week of fevers and weakness. Which is great, because not only have I gotten a bit out of shape because I'm too sick and weak to exercise, which causes me depression, but I'm generally weak, sweaty, and whiney all the time, which makes me about as fun as fiberglass underwear to be around.

The fiberglass underwear (an 80s SNL reference) stuff never gets a laugh. Oh well.

And there's just too many ostriches. The brochure said there'd only be a few ostriches.

Ahh...that brings back childhood memories of Sunday afternoon Disney Don Knotts movies on CBC, of which I never actually watched any, but they all seemed interchangable and confusing.

Floriday

Well, I got back from Florida on Thursday, and am now recovered enough to blog about it. And by recovered, I mean, slightly gotten over the mourning of having to go back to real life that sucks, rather than the unreal life that is Orlando and their $1.99 t-shirt shops.

Lowlight - being stuck behind some weird Floridian couple on a fanboat swamp tour, whom seem to get off on going fast. Whenever the boat stopped to look at something like alligators, or whatever, because you know, it's a tour, not a race, they would get all grumpy and look back at the driver and say things like "when are we going fast again?" "Why aren't we going fast?", "I sure wish you'd start going fast again", and "how fast does this thing go?". And then, when it did go fast, her loose clothing would go flying everywhere (which wasn't a pretty sight), and the guy would get a greasy smile on his greasy face, and they'd take a thousand pictures of each other.

Highlight - doing the whole Disney thing for free and getting discounts on things like chicken McNuggets at Animal Kingdom, and other things that you shouldnt' even bother to get discounts on, but taking advantage anyway. As a general rule, I don't know anyone who has an "in" with anything, unlike Jeff, who knows someone who knows someone, who knows someone, who is going to make a national comic strip. But, my cousin who I grew up with, married a guy who works for ESPN, which is owned by ABC, which is owned by Disney. Thus, he's slightly, technically, a cast member. So we get to do Disney stuff for free.

Annoying Moment - shut up, you stupid New Yorker. I get it, you're from New York. You don't have to tell me every five minutes. Plus, I don't care that you're going skeet shooting in a Minnie Mouse hat.

Weird Moment - Trying to awkwardly put our fingers into the Disney biometric reader thingy. If touching feels funny, it's hard to know what to do.

Annoying Moment #2 - Shut up, you stupid Calgarian 18 year old. I get it, you're going to drink the last Corona beer when you get home from Disney. Thank you for loudly proclaiming that 16 times on the bus. We should all get up and congratulate you that you now consider yourself cool enough to drink when you're on vacation with your older sister and your parents are back home. We were all duly impressed with the fact that you now drink beer, and thus are not an uncool little kid.

Stupid Idea - Never get stuck with a two door car from the rental place if your backseat passengers are two 65 year olds with bad knees. You'll lose a combined 50 minutes off your vacation. Unfortunetely, one of those two 65 year olds didn't realize this when she picked it out because it seemed to have a big trunk.

Oh, and fruit snacks don't have to be kept in the fridge, though anyone over 60 seems to think EVERYTHING has to be kept in the fridge, including granola bars.

Best thing - Chocolate mousse in France at Epcot. Best. Chocolate. Dessert. Ever.

Otherwise, a really good vacation, if short. It's just easier to bitch on the internet than talk about how much you enjoy things. Unless you're 15 and in love.