wiggie's Famous recipe book

I think I want to write a recipe book, called "The World's Best Recipe Book", and have each recipe being like "Best Chicken Ever", or "Best Pork Chops Ever", and "Best Fish Ever", etc.

Here's a sample:

*insert food item*
1 cup of crushed up Frosted Corn Flakes
1 tsp Paprika (the secret ingrediant for Oomph and colour)
1 tsp extra virgin olive oil

Cover *insert food item* in crushed Frosted Corn flakes. Add the paprika on top. Drizzle with olive oil. Bake in the oven for 20 minutes at 350 degrees. Eat and enjoy the Best *Insert Food Item* you ever had!

And that would be every recipe in the book.

It would retail for $14.95, be 20 pages long, and come with a novelty small shaker of paprika. For fun.

And everyone would love me.

...or I could find some other way to make people like me. But I can't figure out how else right now.

Woman Gets Cable Bill With Derogatory Name - Yahoo! News

Woman Gets Cable Bill With Derogatory Name - Yahoo! News: "In another case, Peoples Energy customer Jefferoy Barnes started getting letters addressed to 'Jeffery Scrotum Bag Barnes.'"

Best. Nickname. Ever.

And before reading this, all that was going through my mind was how many people picked up my box of White Chedder Shells Pasta-Roni and decided not to buy it before I did.

Now I'm thinking about how some people are having more fun at work than I am.

I hate because I love

Hey, Mr. Guy Who Wrote the Song that includes the lyrics "Ain't nuthin' wrong with the radio", are you implying that my car sucks because the radio isn't 100% working correctly? Well, you can cram it with wallnuts!

Good advice

Got an email today that had this as it's subject line:

"Buyer Beware - penis patches!"

And I thought to myself: of course.

working gets the Gas Face

Today I wished my boss was Mr. T. Oh sure, he'd complain that he has no time for the jibbajabba, but we'd pass all kinds of hours of him jibbajabbering about times of olde. I'm sure he finally does have time for the jibbajabba by now. And I'd get paid to hear it. That's much more enjoyable than anything to do with drill bits.

Plus Mr. T would get a discount on super premium drill bits. I'm sure his friends would love getting drill bit sets for Christmas, because that's handy for puttin' holes in things.

It works out for everyone except my current boss who would then be unemployed. Whom I have nothing against, but hey, you'd trade a minor leaguer for Roger Clemons.

My commentary on the new season of 24

Anyway, Tuesday is too early in the week to be thinking about the weekend. And that's depressing.

I've been thinking about the fact that no one delivers milk to me in the morning. I miss milk men, because it gave people who otherwise would be bums, their own car. Granted, when they drive around, everyone knows they're the milkman, and pities them and their lifestyle, but at least they can live out of their milktruck.

That's right, for no reason I just felt like slandering milkmen, of whom I have never known a single one. Because I'm that edgy. You can't look away because I'm saying the things everyone is thinking, but no one has the balls to say. About milkmen.

I can't believe a human being said this

I don't care if you like a movie or not, no one has thought patterns that fit this statement.

"The combination of the cast and the name recognition of the television show combined with the sex appeal and car chases was irresistible to movie-goers," said Paul Dergarabedian, president of box office-tracker Exhibitor Relations.

...can't...resist...sexy...car chases...

Pot Roast Sunday

It's Sunday, so I'm making a delicious pot roast for dinner. Then after making it, I'll proceed to eat far too much pot roast. I think it's a good plan.

I've saw a commercial for a urine remover 3 times in the last half hour, on 3 seperate channels. I've never seen the commercial before, so I think the frequency is a sign that my dream of a no consequence piss where I want to lifestyle is about to come true! Those enzymes are freaking hot for eating urine, right down the baseboards of your home, where urine likes to live, apparently.

Technology is going to give us a utopia, I tells ya. A utopia.

Slammalammadingdong

Everything was better when I was a child than it is today.

Except anything that has something to do with electronics...they've gotten a bit better.

And I really like this new milkshake drink that Hershey puts out. It's much better than Beep.

Oh, and television. Television is great.

But man...Transformers were much better toys than they have today.

Motivate this!

I decided today that instead of being motivated for work, I would come up with motivational sayings that would motivate others to work, or at least shame them into half-trying.

Things like:

-Half-efforts lead to full-firings.

(I don't know what full-firings are...but does it matter. They get the point)

-If you don't know the answer...get out of my face.

-Did you read today's "Cathy" strip? You're fired.

-Work is like golf. You'd get this if you were more important here.

-A good attitude is like a good pair of shoes.

-Hard work is it's own reward, and relieves the guilt your mother imbedded in your psyche.

It continues from there, and then it ends.

Hey, I never said I was good at what I do. I just do what I do because I have to have something.

I always tried to beat the team from the country of Epyx

I get the "Hot Dog" theme song from the "Winter Games" game stuck in my head at least once a week for the past 20 years.

Do do do do do, do do do do doo doo, do do do do do do, doooo...*splat head first into the snow*

I have no idea what to Tivo (yes, us Tivo owners use it as a verb...I don't know any other Tivo owners, because as a Tivo owner, I have no friends) during the Summer, but my wife has managed to almost completely filled it's hard drive with episodes of the Smurfs. Brainy never learns his lessons...I think he's got...you know...the brain problems...I also think he's a sociopath, but I won't bore you with my rationale for that. Because you have better things to do. Plus I haven't put that much thought into my theory. I just walked in on Jody watching an episode one day and made the declaration that he was one.

Because I like labelling people. It's a damn good hobby. You hippy.