How To Describe Me, in my ideal world

"Affectionate but not cuddly, he keeps everyone laughing with his petty thievery"

Ah, if only life was like a page-a-day calendar.

Disappointment on the Grill

They were cooking steaks for what seemed like 2 hours, and then forgot to give me one. What a world. And after I made them blue cheese dressing and everything.

The Ultimate Ultimate Frisbee Movie: The Characters

The Ultimate Ultimate Frisebee Movie
By Brian Anthony Skinner

List of Players:

Tim MacDonald - Our protaganist and a charitable chap, age 27, ordinary looking, currently down on his luck. With the Professional Ultimate Frisbee league using scab players during a strike, he's had to take a job at a fast food restaurant, where he actually makes slightly more money than he did playing Ultimate Frisbee. An everyman, except he plays Ultimate Frisbee.

Pam Timmons - Tim's current girlfriend. With Tim's glamourous life as a professional athlete on hold, their relationship has grown strained. A willowy blonde, 25, her moods and wants change as quickly as the winds blow. And boy, do they blow. Currently employed as a high level thesaurus researcher, one of the fastest up and comers in the thesaurus business.

Kim Edition - The first and only female professional Ultimate Frisbee player. With the players striking for more money, and having been replaced by scabs (who draw bigger crowds than the real professionals did), she's like a boat without an anchor. Thus she's taken a job on a fishing boat, and doesn't always smell good. Has a crush on Tim, and hates Pam. Maybe hates Pam more than she likes Tim sometimes. A woman of strong likes and dislikes. A short dark haired girl, probably around 27 years old.

Jeff Willard - Tim's best friend and Ultimate Frisbee teammate. As members of the Nova Scotia Bluenoses, they have bonded over many a thrown frisbee. A tall, large fellow, he has a tendancy to tell people exactly what's on his mind, even people he doesn't know. Is living off his savings (aka, his girlfriend's money) while the union strikes. May have caused most of the problems between the union and the owners. Hates scabs with an incredible passion. Has an obssession with horses and Bruce Willis.

Mark Green - Another teammate of Tim's, whom he and Jeff hang around with and practice Ultimate Frisbee with. Former water polo player turned Ultimate Frisbeer, perhaps the greatest former water polo player turned Ultimate Frisbee player ever. Has a tendancy to not be thinking what you might think he's thinking at any particular time. Wears ridiculous hats that he thinks makes him look charismatic.

Jayne MacDonald - Tim's mother, in her mid-60s. Overprotective and nosey about everything in Tim's life. Wishes he could have followed her life's dream for him: to work in a bank as a bank teller. Those people have it all, and work so hard, from what she can tell.

Donald MacDonald - Tim's father. A former sailor. Tries not to curse like a sailor, but some circumstances deserve it. Hardly ever knows what's going on in Tim's life, but not because he doesn't care, it's just that he doesn't put much of his mind power towards anything that isn't floating on water.

Danger Dan - Or DD, Tim's cat. A black and white tuxedo cat. Is always getting in trouble off camera and occasionally just decides to sit in front of someone and meow constantly. Usually Pam. Mark thinks DD would be a great pet for adventuring around the world with, and comes up with scenerios that he and DD would live through, for reasons nobody can figure out. Mark has his own cat.


Act 1, Scene 1 to come.

The hole in my pocket

I believe I've figured out what's missing in my life. It's the fact that I've never found a daily comic strip that I can really relate to. None of them speak to ME, Brian Skinner. I don't get daily reminders of what sucks about my life in cartoon form. And I just think, that it's unfair that some people have that, and some people, such as myself, miss that in their lives.

I'll have to continue trying to fill that hole in my life the only way I know how. Writing online erotica about female celebrities who fall in love with a protaganist who is a perfect version of someone who seems something like me.

Sigh.

I'm Singing in the rain...

What a glorious feeling, I'm happy again...

Damn it! I used a musical stuffed duck toy to calm my nephew down a few hundred times this weekend, and now I can't stop singing "Singing in the rain" while I walk around the house.

There's only one thing to do: Get it stuck in someone else's head as well. Then I'll feel better.

"While most of us will never be stalked by Kitty's largest relative, the tiger, it's interesting to note that the best protection is a mask worn on the back of the head. Tigers generally attack from behind, and this measure has proved effective for people who live in tiger country."

For those few of you who don't live in tiger country, I hope that helps you when you do get around tigers. Or kitty.

BOLD!

The Sought After Walleye

My chin is asleep, and that displeases me.

Dreams come true

"Being on stage, in my lingerie, is my dream come true". Is that anyone's dream come true? Really? It's shooting slightly below 'Rich uncle I didn't know died and left me a fortune because he thought my name sounded better than the rest of his kin. My name? Rudolph.'

I just realized that I have at least 4 different cheap card game software CD-ROMS sitting around that I've gotten over various Christmi(the plural for Christmas) that I've never played. Apparently the fact that "he seems to like computers" draws people to the bargain bin of computer software at Best Buy when they think of me during the holidays.

At least they're thinking of me at Best Buy. It's a good start. It's not like I would play expensive games either, as I do enough things through work and such on the computer that playing games on it seems overmuch of much things.

But my "Interactive World Map on CD-ROM" will some day come in handy. I'm sure.

I honest to God had to pull out long grass by hand today when a mower broke. For no good reason that I can think of, it's the most frustrating act in the world. Oh well.

Me and Max

I go a little while without posting anything and all of a sudden blogger.com has a nice new interface that confuses and scares me. But I'm easily confused and scared. Or I just ate something that's not sitting in my stomach right. Either way, I'm queasy a lot. A LOT.

Got some of my first "parent training" this last weekend. It was Jody and my first overnight babysitting of my "new" nephew, Maximilian. 2.5 months is still pretty new, right? I learned a lot...like how I love to sleep, and how if I did have a newborn infant, that I need more than basic cable. We babysat at my mother-in-law's house (cause she's got all the baby caring for goods that you need) while she was away on vacation, and she doesn't have nearly enough channels. At 4 am, informericals for painful looking exercise machines aren't entertaining enough as you're passing the time thinking "if he just stays asleep in my lap 5 more minutes, I'll be SO happy...".

Anyway, we all survived, so my sister-in-law didn't kill me in vengence for her child. Plus he's a cute little dude, so that helped the hours go by at night. He's my little buddy and we got along great, when he's not grabbing my chest hair. Okay, even when's grabbing my chest hair we get along great.

But my wife and I decided, hey, lots of people wait until their 30s to have kids these days, that sounds like a good fad to jump aboard. And then we slept for many, many hours.

It's Memorial Day in America this weekend. It's one of those American holidays that, as a Canadian, I'm unfamiliar with. But after a few years here now, I've decided to buy a barbeque (or grill, whatever they call it these'a'days) and meat for this weekend, and hold some sort of getogether, so people don't look at me funny and say "lookit there at the Canadian, he's not eating charred beef today, so he's disrespecting what we're supposed to be respecting on Memorial day! Let's toss things at him, like objects and disparaging remarks about his genetic makeup!" or some such nonsense. I surely don't want to not go against the flow.

Other than that, I can't think of a damn thing to say.

Coventry Court News

Someone put a complaint into my rental townhome (Oh, I'm so much better than a rental apartment...I have a personal garage and direct entry...no hallways for me, bub!) that we were slamming doors. But it was the people next to us while they were moving in. I bet it was old people who complained...they always complain but they're too old to get facts specifically correct...that's the last time I wave at them when they walk by walking their old dog. Old oldy jerk jerks. Luckily I snitched on my neighbours and now I'm not in trouble!

See...snitching, in real life, not in school, gets the heat off YOU, and thus is GOOD. Don't get kicked out of your luxury rental townhome because you weren't a snitch.

LUXURY! We have a tennis court and a gym! And we only have to share it with about 300 other people! Capital L, baby!

A gorilla tried to kill my wife yesterday. Only impossible to break plexiglass kept her from sure gorilla destruction. She has yet to divulge to me what the fuck she did to piss off that gorilla. I won't take her fear of the moment as an excuse for no answer! Because I'm too good a husband.

And that's what I've learned after over two years of marriage. No matter how scared your wife was from a near gorilla death encounter, you MUST taunt her for the rest of the day, else you don't get husbandly respect.